Wilderness

Wilderness,
little to say,
but the wind does not care to listen anyway,
wilderness,
little to say,
fluffy clouds on a sunny day,
wilderness,
beautiful sunshine and clouds drifting away,
drifting to the sea and beyond,
the sea,
the sea as calm as a pond,
and my thoughts as disparate as they come,
for I am of such mixed emotions about you,
that with you and my feelings I am unsure where to go,
unsure,
for what I know of you is mixed and not what I should feel,
for I wish to be happy and I am not truly happy,
but I wish,
I wish it was so,
because I waited and I cogitated,
and you were so up and down in your emotions,
your emotions that I could not really know,
for you changed like the wind,
and with you ever fluctuating,
my heart how it suffered with the agonies that it did bring,
and how my heart wished for calm but there seemed no possibility with your deliberating,
and your deliberating it drove me crazy,
and I was no better with you than without,
for with you I want to tear my hair out and scream and shout,
and I want to jump up and down in frustration, and I find irritation comes too easily and that is not the way it should be,
for I am stuck with you,
I am stuck with you because I love you
but I cannot reconcile your seeming wiles,
I cannot fathom you or figure you out as I truly should do,
you say you want one thing,
then you say you want another,
and often I am left with a tear in my eye and in mild despair,
and I cannot see the end to it,
I wish for the end but the thought of leaving you,
it is a hard thing to think of,
it is such a difficult thing because I know you love me too,
what am I to do,
what am I to do?

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