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Poetry

In my sea of doubt

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In my sea of doubt,
there is no light,
and only blackness in my mind.
And in my heart,
negativity it pulls me down,
yes, when I am alone in my sea of doubt,
in my sea of doubt when you are not around,
oh, how my heart aches when I think of you,
and stupidly when I am, I wonder if you are seeing someone else,
and I get that sinking feeling and my heart is upon the ground,
ready to be trampled on again,
or that is what I fear when you are not around,
yes, because I have suffered so much heartache,
and so much pain,
and I have had my heart broken so many times,
yes,
again, again and again, that I find it hard not to think any other way,
oh, the pain,
oh, the pain,
how I wish I could think differently,
but the negative thoughts they beat me up in a never ending refrain,
oh, the pain,
and how I do complain,
how I do complain, and it is such a shame,
a terrible shame when I am alone in my sea of doubt,
and when such negative thoughts continually attack my brain.
Oh, I wish could change,
and how I wish and hope that you will be home soon,
but while you are not my thoughts are stuck in this rut,
and it is so hard to get out of thinking this way,
and even if I wasn’t with you and if I met another love,
I would probably with my negativity scare them away,
oh, the negativity,
oh, the pain,
oh, the self doubt,
reflections of blackness covering my heart in what seems an eternal night,
an eternal night where there is no end,
yes, no end in sight,
and no sunrise to dispel the dark,
oh, the shame,
oh, the pain.
I wish I could be positive,
but heartbreak has through my life shattered me constantly into pieces,
and ever since I have not been the same,
not been the same after years of sorrow and strife,
and I fear I will be,
I fear I will be like this for life,
and I wish that wasn’t the probability,
but it seems that is lifes plan for me,
oh, the misery,
please, come home soon,
come home soon and cuddle me,
and hold me in your warm embrace,
and let me see your smile again,
your smile that so beautifully lights up your pretty face,
your smile that takes my doubts away until you go away again,
oh, my heart and my mind,
those negative thoughts are such a disgrace,
such a disgrace,
so please come soon,
and teach me please how not to be this,
but how can I approach you about this without scaring you away,
oh, the discombobulated in my brain,
oh, the confusion,
oh, the indecision,
oh, the jealousy,
please,
please jealousy,
please go away.

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